Making Resolutions That Stick

This year, Im going to stop worrying so much.""I will get in shape, once and for all.""Ill stop spending beyond my means.""Ill get along better with my family.""Ill start that business Ive always dreamed about." Have you made a resolution similar to one of these? Some of us want to lose weight, become more organized, or quit smoking. Others want to find a sense of purpose, more work/life balance, the courage to leave an unfulfilling career and start over. Whether its New Years Day, an important birthday, or just because were fed up, at some point we vow to make that one leap or give up the thing that plagues us. But by the time the rosy blush of good intentions wears off, the resolution gets pushed aside. Not because we dont still long to have what we want, but because we just dont know how to change. We say were going to change, we may even do it for a little while, but soon we find ourselves back to our old habits. Depending on what survey youve paying attention to, approximately 45 percent of us make New Years resolutions, but only 8 percent succeed. Ninety percent of heart patients dont stick to the lifestyle changes they need to live longer and healthier lives. Even faced with the dramatic choice to change or die, they cant do it. I dont believe they want to die. They just dont know how to make the choice for life.Part of the problem is that were flooded by bad advice. Right now, Im staring at a womens magazine. Its the November 28th issue and the headline blares: YOU, 43 LBS SLIMMER By Christmas! Im sorry but you, no matter who you are, are not going to be 43 pounds slimmer in 28 days using their diet or anyone elses. Such irresponsible "advice" does a great deal of harm. Because it creates unrealistic expectations, it increases the probability well give up before we get where we want to go. You and I can change. Not just superficially, or temporarily. We can stop doing the things that hold us back or cause us suffering and create a life filled with meaning and happiness. But its not easy, as anyone who has tried to change a habit or do something new knows. To bring new behavior into being takes work. Our brains have enormous "plasticity," meaning they can create new cells and pathways. But our brains create strong tendencies to do the same thing over and over. Heres why: our neurons (brain cells) that fire together wire together. Meaning, they have a strong tendency to run the same program the next time. Thats why lasting change takes lots of practice; youve got to create a pathway to the new options. (Six to nine months, say many brain scientists--so much for those seven-day wonder programs.) The process is not about getting rid of bad habitsthe pathway to your current behavior is there for life, babybut building new, more positive ones. Even stopping doing something, like smoking, is really about creating a good new habit, nonsmoking.

M.J. Ryan is one of the creators of the New York Times bestselling Random Acts of Kindness series and the author of The Happiness Makeover (nominated for the 2005 Books for Better Living award in the Motivational category), Attitudes of Gratitude, The Power of Patience, Trusting Yourself, The Giving Heart, and 365 Health and Happiness Boosters, among other titles. Altogether, there are 1.75 million copies of her titles in print. For more information, visit http://mj-ryan.com

To Quit Smoking - Making A Change

Anytime someone succeeds at making a change in their life, it is the result of something more than just discipline and willpower. Regarding someone who wants to stop smoking who will be dealing with physical withdrawals, it is a little more difficult but it can be done, and in fact, is done - all the time. Perhaps not by you YET, but that doesn't mean you will never succeed with your attempts to quit smoking.

I see it all the time; people trying to loose weight, trying to quit smoking, trying to accomplish something but always falling back to the old way. Often times, they will succeed for awhile but it doesn't stick and they end up back where they were. This usually is the result of trying to succeed by applying discipline and willpower. It gets you going in the right direction but then you tire out and fall back.

Changing something about yourself is really not about changing. It is about "exchanging"- exchanging one way for another. How is this different? Changing requires you to control your behavior. This is done by the suppressing of your natural tendencies. Over time, this suppression only frustrates you. This is why it doesn't work in the long-run.

Exchanging - is to switch tracks altogether. It is a very different mindset. It is about replacing one life for another, instead of trying to control the current life. This means that, to some degree, you become a different person. To some degree you are "exchanging" one person for another.

This is a good thing. This is part of the process of maturity. This is why in my articles and in my book I emphasize personal development as part of a persons program to quit smoking. This understanding applies to all areas of a life where something needs to be different.

In the case of the smoker who understands what I am saying here, this person doesn't just stop smoking (which only controls the behavior). Instead, this person actually becomes a non-smoker (a different person to some degree).

Smoking is supportive of the very person that you are. When someone is truly ready to be a different person, they no longer need that reinforcement because that person they are reinforcing is no longer who they are. Again, I say - it is about "exchanging"; one person for another, one lifestyle for another, one set of values for another.

So then, the question really becomes; do you only want to quit the behavior - or - do you desire to become a different person, to some degree?