Dear Jennifer,
My boyfriend of one year just started smoking cigarettes. He used to smoke before we met but was not when we first started dating. I am a non-smoker and the smoke really bothers me. What can I do to make him quit?
Second Hand Smoking Sally
Dear Second Hand Smoking Sally,
Here's the bad news. You can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do in the first place. Try as hard as you can, but the only way your boyfriend is going to quit smoking is if he decides to do it himself. You can try to persuade him to quit by letting him know how much it bothers you. Who really wants to snuggle up to someone who reeks like cigarette stench? Who really wants to spend time with someone enveloped in a toxic cloud of smoke? You can encourage him to quit. Buy him nicotine gum or the patch. Ask him not to smoke around you and be firm with your request. If he can't stop smoking around you then he can't see you. The only time ultimatums are ok in a relationship is when one person is hurting or endangering the other person with their behavior. Everyone knows about the risks of smoking including second hand smoke. Having total disregard for your own health is one thing, but creating an unhealthy environment for the ones you care about is shameful. Ultimatums are never pretty but neither is cigarette smoking.
Yours truly,
Jennifer
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